Everyone needs a HERO!

Shortly after Shaniel’s death, I was looking at pictures. Lots of them. Of Her. I was almost desperate to view everyone I could, from the moment she was born to her last day on earth. Only days before, I had her. I heard her voice. I touched her. I hugged her. I smelled her. When I didn’t see her, I talked to her on the phone. She was in my everyday life. How could I have taken that all for granted! Now, she was gone. I had only pictures and memories. I couldn’t believe it. I yearned to feel her presence, hear her voice, her laughter, to hug her, tell her I love her one last time. Now… it was all gone. Gone in an instant!

This day, I spent the day trying to connect with Shaniel. I needed her! Everyone was talking about messages they read on her facebook page. I couldn’t see them. I had vowed I would never get a facebook page. Not me! I didn’t have time for things like that. But today, I wished I had. I needed comfort. I needed to hear messages of love for my daughter. I missed her terribly.

I started to search everything about her. Any place she would have left signs of the life she had lived. I read messages left on her guest book page at Faucett Mortuary. I read her blog. I found a “My Space” page. I read and read and read. I found comfort as I read the loving messages from friends, family, co-workers, and patients. As I read her blog and My Space page, I was reminded of her amazing sense of humor, love for family, and personality traits that I took for granted…. because she was always there. She left hints of the incredible person she had become through her choice of “wisdom tidbits”, subtle comments, and one word descriptions under the photos she had posted. I yearned more than ever to have Shaniel back. I missed her so deeply.

I laughed, I cried, sometimes with out loud un-controlled bursts of laughter and sobs. Tears ran down my cheeks. Panic rose in my chest. These pictures weren’t suppose to be memories … not today. Children are suppose to outlive their parents. Shaniel’s life was far too short. She didn’t die because of an illness or an accident. She was deliberately taken from us. It was so hard to comprehend.

As I carefully looked at each picture taken and read each comment, I came to know my Shaniel as a caring, loving, compassionate mother and daughter. I decided to delve even deeper. I got into her profile pages. I wanted to read more. More about the daughter I loved and missed so much. While on her “My Space” page, she had answered a series of questions. One asked, “Who is your Hero?” Shaniel simply said “My mother!” I was instantly overcome with gratitude for the daughter I had and was able to love for as long as I could. I never knew she thought of me as her hero. I had actually lived a life worthy of that claim! She loved me with all her heart! Oh... how I loved her.

It made me think of the heroes in my life. My dad! My mother! They were incredible people that I have always wanted to emulate my life after. I thought of each of my children, and the amazing people they are.

Today, I thought of Shaniel, especially, and the lovely daughter she was and the person of character she had grown into as an adult. She was more than human in my eyes. She had become another HERO in my eyes. I thought of the night she died. How brave she must have been. The courage and strength she endured. The faith she surely had to know that her children would be taken care of after she left this life. The faith she surely had in knowing that life is eternal and that she would be with her family again.

Shaniel is not only my hero, but she is an angel. An angel fulfilling the same mission she was sent to earth to do. She is an angel that is with all of us every single day. Her influence is far reaching and wide. She continues to heal broken hearts. She continues to gently guide and influence her children. I know she is with me. I feel her in my life every day. Sometimes with a gentle touch. Sometimes with thoughts. Sometimes I just feel comforted at a moment when I need it so desperately. She is with us and comforts us when we need it. We have a loving Father In Heaven who has blessed our lives with her continued presence. I am so grateful for that.

This is a day of Thanksgiving. This is a day to celebrate my Hero. Shaniel!... my beautiful and loving daughter. My eternal friend. My angel! I love you Shaniel!

Thanksgiving Point Gardens, 2010 - Carol and Shaniel

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
November 27, 2013