In an Instant

As a mother, I marvel at her commitment to improve and pursue dreams in the most difficult of circumstances. She became an R.N. a year after the twins were born. She is a professional woman in the humblest of circumstances. Many a night she has been called to sit with a dying patient. She is so caring and loving.  

This is an excerpt from a blog post I did in April 2010. This was a tribute to my third daughter, Shaniel, for her 30th birthday. Little did I know she would be taken from us, by an act of domestic violence by her husband, less than 3 years later. 

When a loved one passes, everything in your life changes in an instant. I can no longer pick up the phone and call her. I can no longer hear her voice, her laughter. I can no longer hold her precious, caring hands. I can no longer see her smile or listen to her jokes. I can no longer play games and eat lunch with her. I can no longer hug her and tell her I love her. Life is different for me. A piece of my heart is gone. There is a constant ache that never goes away. A child is the most precious gift a mother receives in life. Yearnings to have her near are intense on occasion. Just like they are right now. It only takes a memory, a picture, a smell... something that triggers the senses, and it all comes back like a flood.

And then... in an instant I can see her vividly in my mind. I can feel her spirit in my heart. She is alive in my memories.  And then a friend reminds me... Shaniel is here! She is all around us.

".. .you can pick up the phone and talk to her oldest daughter, that is where her voice is shared, you can listen to the twins laugh at play, that is where her laughter was left, you can hold the hands of each of her children and you will feel her imprint left there. Her smile and her jokes are all inner twined in those kids. Shaniels sweet spirit may be with her Heavenly Father, but so many of her attributes were left here on this earth in those children of hers. What a treasure, a keepsake for you to lean on and draw from."

I am still so proud of Shaniel, and always will be. It's not so much as what she accomplished, but the woman she became. The heavens are lucky to have her! She was an angel on earth, and continues to be in heaven. I am quite sure she has received many of her patients, that she cared for here on earth, on the other side. And and I know she will be the first to greet me. I look forward to our reunion and a long awaited hug! 

It only took an instant for life to change, and it takes only one evil person, one act... to change everything you thought was right in the world. I have to admit, I have had my moments of anger. But with work, and lots of it... and faith, hope, and forgiveness, my heart is learning to heal. With God on my side, the impossible truly does become possible.

Mom, thank you so much for the post. Brought a tear to my eye! I love you and thank you for making me feel special!  --Shaniel's comment 

Love your children like it's the last day... you never know when they will be taken from you!

Graduation day, May 2008 - Shaniel, R.N.

Big Things Come In Small Packages!

We are all born into this life to be teachers. We teach one another. We teach with the words we use. We teach by our actions. We teach by example. 

Some people can articulate their words eloquently. Some people are full of action and expression that draw people to them. Still, others live in a way that influences the lives of those around them.

Shaniel didn't use many words. It was her facial and body expressions that drew you to her. She was big on action. She was a shorty... petite and cute as a button! You could look into her eyes, just like in the picture below, and draw much insight to this little girl. Her large, beautiful hazel eyes were the picture into her soul. As you peeled back the layers, a definite character emerged. She was curious and mischievous, a bundle of energy, witty and charming, and spunky and clever. A dynamite in her own right. A phrase we are all familiar with...

Big things come in small packages!

That was Shaniel to a tee! She was small, but big in action and heart. From the time she could move she wiggled, shimmied, climbed, jumped, flipped, twirled, skipped, flew through the air, and ran like the wind. Her energy was like dynamite! It was a joy to watch her grow. Through the years we watched her character mature into a vibrant, determined, talented, responsible and beautiful daughter. And... it was evident that growing up didn't diminish the exciting and dynamite package she was born with. Shaniel was always full of surprises!

From the very beginning, Shaniel taught us how to love life! 

She left us a beautiful gift... to enjoy life to the fullest. Every day is a gift. Every day is another day to try something new, to smile and laugh, to inspire others, to learn and grow. It doesn't matter how small you are in the world. No matter where you live or what your circumstances, you can make your own joy and happiness. You can live BIG! You can love life and you can influence those around you to find joy, too! Thank you Shaniel for teaching us how to live!

Shaniel's signature shirt! We bought it for her when she was a toddler.