Facing Trials

When we lose someone we love, it challenges our faith to its very limits. There are trials and testing to endure--for us, left on earth. But I have learned so much, over the past year, that we are not left alone to bear our sorrows.  Allowing the Savior of the world to take our burdens of unimaginable sorrow--helps heal our broken hearts, gives us strength to endure the darkest hours, and gives us hope in the dawn of a brighter day.

As I was reading the Ensign, I ran across this beautiful excerpt taken from President Thomas S. Monson’s talk, (I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee, Oct. 2013 General Conference) that helped remind me of His love for us and that trials, even heartbreaking sorrows, have a purpose in our lives.

Prophetic Promise: Facing Trials

“Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before. 

“This should be our purpose—to preserve and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life.”

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/i-will-not-fail-thee-nor-forsake-thee?lang=eng&query=I+will+not+fail+thee,+nor+forsake+thee,+Thomas+S.+Monson,

http://www.lds.org/youth/video/i-will-not-fail-thee-nor-forsake-thee?lang=eng 

“What I the lord have spoken, I have spoken; …whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same” D&C 1:38

These prophetic words of counsel brought comfort to my soul today!

Written by Carol, Shaniel’s mother

Happy 1st Angelversary!

What a beautiful Day! The sun was shining, a stark contrast to this day last year. My Mom, Audrey and I went out to eat at an awesome Mexican Grill to celebrate Shaniel's Angelversary. No tears here. There is no need to re-live that day and what happened. We celebrated Shaniel's life. She was happy and always full of life, so that is how we spent our day. What a wonderful day. We have been blessed beyond measure over the past year. I am grateful for all that I have learned over the past year and how much my testimony has grown, particularly with the Atonement of Christ, God's love for each of us, the power of forgiveness and Eternal families.

Happy 1st Angelversary Shaniel!

Kelsey





Remembering Shaniel

It's been a year since we lost our beautiful Shaniel. Dave, Shaniel's step-father, is out of the country at this time and sent this beautiful tribute in remembrance of our angel.

I have a comment to make about Shaniel. You know, I just love Shaniel. Not because she is my stepdaughter, not because she is my friend, but because she was just about the nicest person I ever met. Shaniel brought into my life as she brought into yours, a soft, warm light every time I saw her, and every time I saw her was a holiday of its own. No question, I miss her, we all miss her, God bless you, our special spirit Shaniel.

In loving memory of our beautiful angel, Shaniel.

Tender Mercies

It was exactly one week before Shaniel's death, that she called me, crying... unable to exactly pin point why. Today is February 3, one week before her death, and I am reminded of that call, once again. 

Fallen officer Cory Wride's parents were interviewed last night about their son's life, and I couldn't help but have the exact same thoughts as they did. In fact.. those same thoughts have been with me for an entire year.

When Shaniel called she said she had been crying for two weeks and couldn't shake it. She had a strong desire to be with her family, as did officer Wride.

This is an exerpt taken from the interview given by Blake Wride, Cory's father. .... "it was almost as if my son knew something bad was about to happen". He remembers a week before the shooting, his son called him while working a late night shift, saying how much he missed his family and needed to be home with them.

The next day, he invited his parents over for dinner... there was a melancholy feeling that wasn't quite normal for his son.

"I just felt that there was this, I call it this melancholy feeling, just a serious atmosphere. But now I think I can look back and I personally, everybody might feel differently than me, that that was what we've come to call the tender mercies of the Lord in helping him know, and maybe even prepare that something was coming, and it did." 

Well... that is the exact feeling I had about my phone call with Shaniel. There was a melancholy feeling about her. Something wasn't quite right. She knew it and tried to express it to me, but didn't know exactly how or what it was. She had been crying, couldn't shake it, felt homesick, and wanted to be with her family, her children.

Throughout the year I often thought about this phone call and also felt that the tender mercies of the Lord was helping her know, and even prepare that something was coming, and it did.

I find it remarkable that Saturday, her last day with her children, she got up and fixed breakfast - crepes with orange juice.  You could call it an over the top breakfast! (which she normally didn't have the time to do). She packed her children up, spent the morning at the Wave Pool, and then headed off to Emery County to enjoy a peaceful day with her family. She had a strong desire to play and spend time with her children and be near those she loved. She lived her last day doing exactly what she loved to do.

Shaniel was truly homesick, not only that day, but for the last few weeks of her life. I heard a talk, given by an LDS apostle, about a homesick feeling you sometimes get... so homesick that that it grabs you from the inside out and creates such a gnawing feeling that you can't describe it. It's so intense... you know you miss someone, something, somewhere... home! That feeling was described as homesick for that home we call heaven. The place we previously lived with our Father In Heaven. A place of love, security, and peace. I have felt that homesick feeling before. I believe Shaniel was feeling that same homesickness.

The Lord did bless her that day, and in His love, sent his tender mercies from above to prepare her for what was to come that dreadful night.

She is home... she is home once again in the loving arms of our Father In Heaven. She is with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. She is surrounded by peace, love, comfort, and security. She is learning, growing, progressing. She is living! She is not far away. I feel her love and desire to comfort me on days I need her near. And, we will see her again!

Mother's Day Tea Party at Grandma B - 2011

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
February 3, 2014

Memories that Bind

Making memories with my children and grandchildren are very important to me. One year for Christmas I made each of the families a Count-down to Christmas Chain. On random dates throughout the month of December, miniature notes were attached to the chain announcing a visit from grandma and a fun activity to do together. On December 6, I made my trip to Shaniel’s house. The much anticipated day had arrived!

Shaniel was just as excited, if not more, than the kids. She got the note down and read what we would be doing that day. Making sugar cookies…. horray! Shaniel was very expressive with her emotions. So much like her mother! Clapping, laughing, cheering… her big hazel eyes dancing and twinkling with excitement. Making cookies together was a real treat and the kids were soon caught up in the merriment of cracking eggs, mixing ingredients together, rolling the dough, cutting Christmas shapes, baking, and decorating them with frosting and sprinkles.

It was a joy, for me as a mother, to especially watch Shaniel interact with her children. It was a messy kitchen activity and Shaniel was in her element. Laughing! Dancing with the mixer! She showed the kids that it was fun to get a little messy. She encouraged them to be creative in their cookie decorating. She was patient. She was kind. She made memories with her children. The squeals of excitement are some of the best sounds a mother, a grandmother, can hear.

After eating cookies, it was time to settle down to a movie. That was one of my fondest memories of going to Shaniel’s. Something I always looked forward to. Always, always, a big pile of blankets were gathered, everyone would find a spot, usually on the floor. And, it wasn’t long before most of the kids were pressed up against their mother’s warm body and tucked in under her loving arms for the night. They felt her love. They felt secure and protected. Shaniel provided the kind of haven that every child deserves in life. She was a mother and loved being a mother. My joy was so full that evening as I watched my daughter in the most important role in her life… that as mother! 

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
December 14, 2013

Everyone needs a HERO!

Shortly after Shaniel’s death, I was looking at pictures. Lots of them. Of Her. I was almost desperate to view everyone I could, from the moment she was born to her last day on earth. Only days before, I had her. I heard her voice. I touched her. I hugged her. I smelled her. When I didn’t see her, I talked to her on the phone. She was in my everyday life. How could I have taken that all for granted! Now, she was gone. I had only pictures and memories. I couldn’t believe it. I yearned to feel her presence, hear her voice, her laughter, to hug her, tell her I love her one last time. Now… it was all gone. Gone in an instant!

This day, I spent the day trying to connect with Shaniel. I needed her! Everyone was talking about messages they read on her facebook page. I couldn’t see them. I had vowed I would never get a facebook page. Not me! I didn’t have time for things like that. But today, I wished I had. I needed comfort. I needed to hear messages of love for my daughter. I missed her terribly.

I started to search everything about her. Any place she would have left signs of the life she had lived. I read messages left on her guest book page at Faucett Mortuary. I read her blog. I found a “My Space” page. I read and read and read. I found comfort as I read the loving messages from friends, family, co-workers, and patients. As I read her blog and My Space page, I was reminded of her amazing sense of humor, love for family, and personality traits that I took for granted…. because she was always there. She left hints of the incredible person she had become through her choice of “wisdom tidbits”, subtle comments, and one word descriptions under the photos she had posted. I yearned more than ever to have Shaniel back. I missed her so deeply.

I laughed, I cried, sometimes with out loud un-controlled bursts of laughter and sobs. Tears ran down my cheeks. Panic rose in my chest. These pictures weren’t suppose to be memories … not today. Children are suppose to outlive their parents. Shaniel’s life was far too short. She didn’t die because of an illness or an accident. She was deliberately taken from us. It was so hard to comprehend.

As I carefully looked at each picture taken and read each comment, I came to know my Shaniel as a caring, loving, compassionate mother and daughter. I decided to delve even deeper. I got into her profile pages. I wanted to read more. More about the daughter I loved and missed so much. While on her “My Space” page, she had answered a series of questions. One asked, “Who is your Hero?” Shaniel simply said “My mother!” I was instantly overcome with gratitude for the daughter I had and was able to love for as long as I could. I never knew she thought of me as her hero. I had actually lived a life worthy of that claim! She loved me with all her heart! Oh... how I loved her.

It made me think of the heroes in my life. My dad! My mother! They were incredible people that I have always wanted to emulate my life after. I thought of each of my children, and the amazing people they are.

Today, I thought of Shaniel, especially, and the lovely daughter she was and the person of character she had grown into as an adult. She was more than human in my eyes. She had become another HERO in my eyes. I thought of the night she died. How brave she must have been. The courage and strength she endured. The faith she surely had to know that her children would be taken care of after she left this life. The faith she surely had in knowing that life is eternal and that she would be with her family again.

Shaniel is not only my hero, but she is an angel. An angel fulfilling the same mission she was sent to earth to do. She is an angel that is with all of us every single day. Her influence is far reaching and wide. She continues to heal broken hearts. She continues to gently guide and influence her children. I know she is with me. I feel her in my life every day. Sometimes with a gentle touch. Sometimes with thoughts. Sometimes I just feel comforted at a moment when I need it so desperately. She is with us and comforts us when we need it. We have a loving Father In Heaven who has blessed our lives with her continued presence. I am so grateful for that.

This is a day of Thanksgiving. This is a day to celebrate my Hero. Shaniel!... my beautiful and loving daughter. My eternal friend. My angel! I love you Shaniel!

Thanksgiving Point Gardens, 2010 - Carol and Shaniel

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
November 27, 2013

Tell them you Love Them

Day 29: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

February 10, 2013... Sometimes things happen in a way that you don’t expect. The day was coming to an end by the time we met with the funeral director. We were still numb and filled with disbelief about Shaniel’s death. It was impossible to comprehend… how this could ever happen to us.

We were sitting on some chairs surrounding a coffee table with funeral books, of all things, on them. Shaniel’s dad, myself, and her brother and sisters were there. The funeral director started the conversation by asking us to tell him about Shaniel. A whole gamet of Shaniel’s personality came to mind and I wanted to scream out that she really wasn’t gone. Talking in past tense was so unfair. She was alive, talking to us, less than 24 hours earlier. How could we possibly talk about her memories! It was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to go through.

We were angry, sobbing, overcome with grief and disbelief. Many harsh words towards Shaniel’s killer, her own husband… who was suppose to cherish and protect her, came hurling out of our mouths. How could he!

But then… the impossible happened. While trying to plan Shaniel’s funeral, a question came up that required a response from Scott’s family. His brother was called. The phone was put on speaker so we could all hear the conversation. I can’t even remember what it was about. But I know one thing… a miracle happened that I can’t explain away. While the funeral director was talking on the phone, a very strong feeling and voice entered my heart, my bosom, my mind… and the thought came out… literally. “Tell them you love them.“ Out of my mouth came the words “WE LOVE YOU!” Right then, in that very second, all barriers between our two families were broken down. Those three powerful words changed everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! Yes, we were still crying, but our anger disappeared and forgiveness entered in. The healing balm of the Savior’s atonement started to work immediately.

It was an immediate physical, mental, and emotional transformation that took place in all our hearts and souls. Each one of us witnessed it. I don’t know how to explain it… other than if you believe in a loving God… and you allow Him to save your soul (for us it was the agony, grief, and despair of losing a child, a sister), He does work the miracle. All our pain, our grief, our sorrow was laid at His feet and the Comforter wrapped His loving arms around us… giving us the peace, hope, love, and forgiveness than can heal all broken hearts with time.

Shaniel has always been a kind, compassionate, and forgiving person. Why would she expect anything less from us? I have no doubt that because we listened, heeded, and followed the voice of the Lord’s spirit at the very moment we needed to, it has brought our family the much needed protection from the adversary, strength to endure, and peace of mind to move forward with faith, love, hope and forgiveness. We still have our days of anger and despair, but they are short lived. Mostly, our days are filled with the promise of healing. We are blessed.

I captured this picture of Shaniel while playing Sardines, mom's house

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
October 29, 2013

A Daughter's Poem

Day 17: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

A POWERFUL POEM written by Shaniel's 14 year old daughter

There I was, in my room one night, overhearing the noise and holding my ears tight. I tried to sleep and before I snoozed, Tera came crying with some terrible news.

“Dads got a gun, and mom is yelling!” Then I sat up with a terrible feeling. I picked up the phone and tried to call, but all I got was a ringing sound.

Soon after that, the phone began to ring, it was dispatch telling us the routine. We then went out to see, a police officer guiding us through the scene.

Men were surrounding my house being sly, with big guns and armor and I was about to cry. We than sat in the car being worried sick, hoping that this will all pass over quick.

The officer had me call my grandma, he talked to her while I thought through this trauma. I kept telling my siblings that everything was fine, even though I knew it was a lie.

My grandparents and aunt came after 15 minutes or so, we then left while my grandma stayed to take my mom to her home. Once we arrived we made a bed, said a quick little prayer and I began to dread.

Once again I woke up to a noise, not of arguing but my grandpa's voice. He squeezed my hand and began to cry, I then asked him why, why, why.

He told me the news, the traumatizing news, that my parents are something I had to lose. My soul sunk deep, my heart was torn, my mother and father I now will mourn.

I screamed and pleaded with sorrow, thinking how I'll be able to handle tomorrow. My emotions went out of control, disbelief, anger, and confusion filled my soul.

My family came and held me tight, crying along all through the night. Later that morning more family arrived, tears filling their eyes and their sorrow thrived.

Lots of prayers and blessings were given that day, a lot of them not knowing what to say. Days, weeks and months have passed by, not a day they haven't crossed my mind.

Things are different now they've passed, but this change has given me a chance. A chance to be happier, to not be stressed, my life has certainly been blessed.

After this event I am positively sure, I can go through anything, strength I have endured. And even though their physically not here, I still feel their loving spirit near.

Written by Shaniel's daughter
October 17, 2013

The Truth Never Lies

Day 8- Domestic Violence Awareness month

The Truth Never Lies!

An abuser may think his secrets are safe with him. The truth is…

A recorder

A voice ---- His voice

We listen to hours of….

Yelling.

Screaming obscenities.

Ranting.

Name calling.

Swearing.

Belittling.

Intimidation.

Threats of suicide and harming others.

Blaming.

Guilt trips.

Manipulation.

Twisting the truth.

Breaking objects.

The Evidence is clear.

Uncomfortable?

You should be.

Someone else knows.

THE. TRUTH. NEVER. LIES!

These are some signs of Domestic Abuse and Violence. It is NEVER OK to talk or behave in an abusive and violent way. NOT EVER!

Here are some questions we can all ask ourselves. How do we talk to our spouse, to our children, to those we love? How can we stop Domestic Violence if we can’t talk kindly to each other and treat each other with respect!

This is a call to everyone, everywhere… to turn back to CIVILITY! Be kind and show respect to one another… starting at HOME! Home is the place that should shelter us from the storms of life, where parents and children should feel love, respect, and security. Together, our commitment to use kind words and actions can help prevent Domestic Abuse and Violence!

For those interested, there is an exceptional article written on abuse, by President Gordon B. Hinkley (1910-2008), The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You can link to it here.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/04/personal-worthiness-to-exercise-the-priesthood?lang=eng

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
October 8, 2013 

Phone Call

Day 1: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

“Hold your precious ones a little longer, hug them a little tighter, tell them how much you love them. It may be the last thing you do.”

It was early Sunday morning, February 3, 2013. The phone rang. I said “Hello.” No one answered on the other end. It was so quiet, but I felt her. I knew it could be only one person… Shaniel. It was always like that when she needed me, really needed me. I said, “Shaniel, is that you?” She began to cry softy… and then the sobs just exploded… with so much pain. I tried not to cry with her, but my heart was breaking. I knew she was hurting I asked her what was wrong. She said, “I don’t know, but I’ve been crying for two weeks and I can’t stop.” She said she was so lonely. At that moment, I began to cry with her. “Do you need a hug Shaniel?” “Yes!” I couldn’t talk. She couldn’t talk. We were both crying. Oh… how I yearned to reach my arms through the phone at that very moment, pull her close to me, next to my heart, and comfort my crying little girl! Hearing her heart wrenching sobs were more than I could bear. My heart was aching, splitting in two. Shaniel needed her mother, and I wasn’t there. A mother is suppose to chase her children’s fears away, kiss their hurts, protect them, comfort them, and cheer them up when they are sad.

The morning she called, exactly one week before she was taken from us, I was still so very sick. I had just gotten out of the hospital and was still in a weakened condition. I didn’t feel like I could make the 3 hour drive to her house, but told her I would. Being a nurse, her sensibility told her that it wasn’t the best thing I could do. It would be too big a trip for my condition. I asked her if she would go to Aunt (K’s) house. She had always been like a second mother to her, and I reassured her that she would get her much needed hug. And she did! She visited with her aunt and uncle all that afternoon while the kids played in the toys. I was so grateful for a loving sister and brother-in-law that gave my little girl both time and much needed comfort that day.

Had I known that would be the last day I would hold my sweet Shaniel in my arms, I would have done anything… ANYTHING, to be there with her. Life is so precious; so fragile. We don’t know how or when our life, or the life of a loved one, will be taken. So hold your precious ones in your arms a little longer, hug them a little tighter, and tell them how much you love them. It may be the last thing you do.

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol

October 1, 2013

Afraid

I recoiled in fear. Fear from you. The public. My readers. But something keeps nagging at me. Something is prompting me, prodding me… to move forward with our message. I have to do this.

You may have noticed that a post was deleted. I panicked. I was so afraid of offending someone, of hurting someone. But the prodding continues. I have to do this.

Our daughter, sister, mother’s life was taken from the act of Domestic Violence. Even though it is hard to think about it in those terms, we can’t ignore it. This is not just SHANIEL’S STORY. It is YOUR STORY. It is someone you KNOW, someone you CARE about, someone you LOVE’s… STORY!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS WRONG! It should not happen to anyone… EVER… PERIOD. There is NO EXCUSE for any kind of abusive and violent domestic behavior. NOT EVER!

Domestic Abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person.

Domestic Violence, can be defined as abusive, threatening or violent behavior between one intimate partner and another. Domestic Violence can happen anywhere to anyone of any race, religion, culture or economic status.

Domestic Violence and Abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only; to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn't “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his/her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

The fact is that most domestic violence is committed by a man against a woman. An estimated one in every three women worldwide experiences violence. Domestic Violence is dangerous. Too often, conflicts escalate into injury or death.
And, for Shaniel it did. She did NOT SURVIVE .

Shaniel was the VICTIM of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. She will never see her children grow up. She will not have the experience of seeing them learn to drive, go on their first date, watch their ball games, or get married. She will never know what it’s like to be a grandmother.

She will not be able to celebrate birthdays with her family and participate in family activities and other celebrations. He chose that for her. He took it all from her. It was the ultimate betrayal. Taking her life was beyond selfish and cowardly. It was the ultimate heinous crime. He took her agency to “LIVE.”

When I write, I do not write his name out of respect for his family. In a sense, they are VICTIMS, too. I do not mention her children’s names for their own safety and protection. We hope you, as readers, will also follow the same consideration.

When I write, it is from my perspective. How I feel about my daughter, what I saw as warning signs, etc. They are not to offend anyone, but to give the reader insight of our relationship as mother and daughter. I do not profess to know the intimate details of Shaniel and her husband’s life at home, beyond closed doors. But I can assure you… I knew my daughter! I bore her, I raised her, I loved her. She is of my flesh. She is in my joy, my tears, my whole being.

The effects of this tragedy have been far reaching and wide. It has affected children, parents, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, co-workers, and community. And in a sense, the world.

There is much more to Shaniel’s Story than the end of her life. There are lessons to be learned from this horrific tragedy. It has brought two families, who have mourned the loss of their children, together… in love, forgiveness, compassion, faith, hope, and healing. It a journey that we invite you on, as well.

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
September 23, 2013

Shaniel's Laughter

The Shaniel we all knew and loved! Fun, bubbly, happy, and full of sunshine. She pulled you in with her laughter and humor. I’m not sure how to explain the sound of her laugh, other than it was unique and very contagious. It spilled over on everyone that was around. I am happy to say that when my youngest daughter laughs, I also hear Shaniel’s laughter. That’s a pleasant and happy sound for a mother to hear. Thankfully, my youngest daughter is glad to oblige. We are thankful for all the sounds, smells, and things we see, that keep our Shaniel so near.

Harvest Fest 2006, mom and Dave's

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
September 21, 2013

It was suppose to be someone else’s news story

…. not ours. In the middle of a cold winter night, on February 10, 2013, the phone rang. “I’m sorry… Shaniel is gone.” “No, No, No… not my daughter!” I was stunned with the news. Disbelief engulfed my whole being. I fell to my knees overcome with a sense of helplessness and overwhelming grief. Oh… my heart! I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to believe it. The truth was… she REALLY was gone. Shaniel was tragically taken from us from a senseless act of domestic violence. How could this happen… to us? This is not just another news story.

This is Shaniel’s story.

Shaniel was just 32 years old. She was in the middle of a beautiful life. She had everything going for her. First and foremost, she was a mother and adored her children. She spent countless hours supporting ball games and school activities. She had a successful career in nursing. She took complete care of her young family. She was very responsible and dedicated to improving her circumstances. She loved the outdoors, especially gardening, hiking, and exploring. She loved family! She was the life of any party. She worked hard. She played hard. Shaniel’s laughter was so contagious. You couldn’t help but laugh with her. She made everything fun. She was everyone’s best friend. She was loved by all who knew her and came in contact with her. Who would have thought our Shaniel would be taken from us… all of us! Our daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend. The effects of her loss have been heartfelt and far reaching.
Domestic violence has many faces. It comes in many forms… physical, emotional, verbal, and mental. It is our hope that telling Shaniel’s story will give hope and provide help to someone else’s daughter, mother, sister, friend… and a senseless tragedy will be avoided.

Beautiful Shaniel

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
September 17, 2013