Afraid

I recoiled in fear. Fear from you. The public. My readers. But something keeps nagging at me. Something is prompting me, prodding me… to move forward with our message. I have to do this.

You may have noticed that a post was deleted. I panicked. I was so afraid of offending someone, of hurting someone. But the prodding continues. I have to do this.

Our daughter, sister, mother’s life was taken from the act of Domestic Violence. Even though it is hard to think about it in those terms, we can’t ignore it. This is not just SHANIEL’S STORY. It is YOUR STORY. It is someone you KNOW, someone you CARE about, someone you LOVE’s… STORY!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS WRONG! It should not happen to anyone… EVER… PERIOD. There is NO EXCUSE for any kind of abusive and violent domestic behavior. NOT EVER!

Domestic Abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person.

Domestic Violence, can be defined as abusive, threatening or violent behavior between one intimate partner and another. Domestic Violence can happen anywhere to anyone of any race, religion, culture or economic status.

Domestic Violence and Abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only; to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn't “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his/her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

The fact is that most domestic violence is committed by a man against a woman. An estimated one in every three women worldwide experiences violence. Domestic Violence is dangerous. Too often, conflicts escalate into injury or death.
And, for Shaniel it did. She did NOT SURVIVE .

Shaniel was the VICTIM of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. She will never see her children grow up. She will not have the experience of seeing them learn to drive, go on their first date, watch their ball games, or get married. She will never know what it’s like to be a grandmother.

She will not be able to celebrate birthdays with her family and participate in family activities and other celebrations. He chose that for her. He took it all from her. It was the ultimate betrayal. Taking her life was beyond selfish and cowardly. It was the ultimate heinous crime. He took her agency to “LIVE.”

When I write, I do not write his name out of respect for his family. In a sense, they are VICTIMS, too. I do not mention her children’s names for their own safety and protection. We hope you, as readers, will also follow the same consideration.

When I write, it is from my perspective. How I feel about my daughter, what I saw as warning signs, etc. They are not to offend anyone, but to give the reader insight of our relationship as mother and daughter. I do not profess to know the intimate details of Shaniel and her husband’s life at home, beyond closed doors. But I can assure you… I knew my daughter! I bore her, I raised her, I loved her. She is of my flesh. She is in my joy, my tears, my whole being.

The effects of this tragedy have been far reaching and wide. It has affected children, parents, brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, co-workers, and community. And in a sense, the world.

There is much more to Shaniel’s Story than the end of her life. There are lessons to be learned from this horrific tragedy. It has brought two families, who have mourned the loss of their children, together… in love, forgiveness, compassion, faith, hope, and healing. It a journey that we invite you on, as well.

Written by Shaniel's mother, Carol
September 23, 2013