Moving forward with Grief

Here's a quote from Mitchell's Journey on grief that tells exactly how I feel.  I inserted "she" instead of "he".

"The pain of my daughter's death is just as soul crushing today as it was the day I lost her. It isn't difficult because I think about it, you see – it is difficult because it happened and she is no longer with me."

I miss Shaniel terribly and yearn to hear her voice, to hear her laughter, to hug her and tell her I love her. As much as I want her physical presence back in my life, I am also comforted by the presence of her spirit. A loving Father In Heaven sees to it that Shaniel is able to provide comfort and peace in times of need.

Just like Mitchell's father, on an airplane ride I took from the U.S. to Germany in April 2014, the gravity of losing a precious child was heavy on my mind. Flying over the ocean for many hours also gives me anxiety. I am usually too nervous to sleep, read, or even watch a movie. But I do a lot of thinking. It was late evening and the cabin lights had been dimmed. People were settling down and that is when my thoughts turned to Shaniel. I all of a sudden felt very lonely without her. Memories flooded my mind and I thought of all the things we did and were now going to miss together. I was also feeling nervous about flying. The seat next to me was empty and I was glad. Gabby people make me even more nervous.

In the quiet and dark, with just my thoughts - I was abruptly brought to my senses and felt Shaniel near. Her favorite fragrance filled the air and I felt immense peace and comfort. I was calmed and knew everything would be all right. I pictured her sitting next to me holding my hand, talking and reminding me of her love for me. She stayed for a half hour or so. I knew when she left. The distinct smell of vanilla coconut left with her. She stayed until she knew I would be ok. Shaniel visited me once again that evening while the airplane crossed the ocean.

I am so grateful for all these moments, as brief as they are. I am reassured of God's love for me. I am thankful and confident in the plan of salvation and know that death does not separate us. Even though I can not see Shaniel, I am blessed to know she is alive and well. I am blessed to know that she is given opportunities to minister and comfort me in times of need.

There are days when it is difficult to be without her. I know it will always be that way until I see her again. But moving forward with hope and faith in the Lord and His plan, puts my grief into perspective. It is a blessing to have an eternal perspective.  

Here's to a New Year filled with hope, healing and love!