Mountains to Climb

This quote by Henry B. Eyring came across my news feed today. I was in much need and want to be reminded of this truth. We can not escape this life without mountains in front of us. Symbolically they come in the form of obstacles, trials, sorrow, and pain. And these are just a few. When met with the challenges and tribulations of life, we have choices to make. In my case, losing my daughter Shaniel has been the greatest and most heartbreaking trial of my life. The unfathomable and unspeakable happened. I remember the feeling distinctively the moment I found out Shaniel had been murdered by her husband. I fell upon my knees overcome with intense grief and disbelief, dazed and shocked that this could happen to my precious daughter. I cried out in pain. "How? How could this happen?"

Maybe it was instinct, but I remember instantly praying fervently to God to take my pain away. I remember praying for Shaniel. I wanted to wrap her in my arms so tightly and protect her from the fear and pain she just endured and the confused state she surely was in. I wanted her to know I loved her with all my heart. One last time. Her mother was there! I pleaded with God that He would do that for me. She would feel me there. I felt desperate and helpless. She was dead. My poor sweet innocent daughter dead.

What seemed to come to me in a flash were the words "look up!" I had two choices to make. Sink in despair, or climb that mountain that suddenly loomed in front of me. I chose to climb. And I climbed hard. I climbed fast. I wanted to keep in front of that evil that wanted to drag me back down to the bottom of the mountain. I didn't want to look back. I deliberately chose to climb. I wanted to be on a path that would bring me peace, comfort, safety, and protection from the adversary. I wanted to feel God's love.

When I look back over the past year and a half since losing Shaniel, I can see clearly that I am still climbing that mountain. There are times when I can't seem to climb another step and I am challenged with thoughts of anger, pain, and an endless yearning to hold my daughter again. Sometimes it's hard to start that climb again. But I do, even if it is ever so slowly. I am determined to do it. I am determined to reach the top. I am determined to follow the light.  I will continue to pray continually for peace and comfort. I will consciously work to forgive, as hard of a struggle it is for me at times. I can say without a doubt that ANGELS have attended and given strength to my feeble knees as I have climbed many a rocky path on the ever increasing climb. I have no doubt that Shaniel is always there, as one of my ministering angles, to give a hand up. She surely knows the heartache I feel.

One day... I, along with my family, will reach the top of this mountain and will be able to look out across the canyons, the slopes, the rugged trails, and the the peaks and know that we rose to the challenges set before us. We chose to climb. Someday we will feel the all encompassing Heavenly light surround us and know that God was with us, every step of the way. We will come to understand and see more clearly the purposes of our earthly trials and tribulations. For our entire family, on both sides of the veil, because it is eternal.

I am sure this is not the last trial of my life. I have been through years and years of trials and heartache, in varying degrees, just like you. I will continue to "look up" and keep climbing. The light on top of the mountain will be my guide. I know when I choose to climb I am on the right path. I know this to be true!

Shaniel, my ministering Angel

Justice is Served!

I've been following the Conrad Truman trial, along with many other family members. Conrad was suspected of killing his wife, Heidy Wagner Truman two years ago. Heidy is my niece's sister-in-law. It's been a long two years for the Wagner family and today they finally came to the end of days, weeks, months, and years of waiting... waiting for justice to be served. 

For the Wagner family, it was not only about losing their beloved daughter and sister, but it was about the pain and anguish of having to see her killer face to face at times, standing by helplessly and patiently on the legal system to take its course. 

Conrad Truman's trial started 3 weeks ago, and it finally came to a long-awaited end at 5:30 p.m., after 15 hours of deliberation. Conrad Truman was found guilty on two counts. That of killing his wife and obstructing justice. Sentencing is set for mid December. 

We are grateful for the vigilance and careful discernment of the juror's as the case was presented to them. We are grateful for friends and family who were supportive of the Wagner family. We are grateful for the angels who sustained the Wagner family through their trials. No doubt, Heidy was one of them! We are grateful for a loving Father In Heaven who provided peace and comfort in their hours of need. And, we are grateful that this trial is now behind a truly incredible family.

Our continued prayers will be with the Wagner family in the months ahead. We pray for healing and strength. We pray that they will find hope in a brighter tomorrow. Heidy will be ever near as we all chose to move forward... from this day on. We wish to thank the Wagner family for allowing us to be a part of their lives during this difficult time. We have all learned so much.

We are so thankful the Wagner family has finally found justice for their sweet Heidy. And let us remember that our family and so many other's have lost loved ones that will never see justice in this life time. Some of us have to wait... wait upon the Lord. Wait until we get to the other side. Faith and Hope sustain us. 

Images...

How did she know this would become one of my most treasured and cherished gifts?

Memories

are the most beautiful pictures

our minds can paint and

nothing can ever erase them.

Shaniel gave me this beautiful tile for my birthday in 2009. Little did I know how deep the meaning would become several years later. 

Did she know? 

Somewhere deep inside her heart... did she know I would need to see these consoling words. I have this gift sitting in my family room where I can see it easily. Memories of Shaniel cross my mind daily. They are beautiful images that can never be erased. 

Images of kissing her soft newborn baby cheek as she lay sleeping in my arms. Images of her toddler days running to keep up with her big sisters. Images of her big beautiful dancing hazel eyes. Images of her mischievous grin and causing me to wonder what she was up to next! Images of her jumping off the chest of drawers, flipping, and bouncing like tigger. Images of peddling her bike with spunk and determination.

Images of a young girl just baptized and witnessing the purity, the goodness, and spirit of her countenance. Images of her caring for her baby sister and twins down the street. She always had a baby on her hip. Images of her excelling in gymnastics. Images of a young woman and her desire to live the YW values. Images of her laughter and humor. Images of her double jointed fingers and pigeon toes. Oh... how I loved them!

Images of her as a young mother kissing her newborn baby's cheek. Images of dedication to a growing family. Images of her hugs and kisses to her hurting and sick child. Images of perseverance in her nursing studies. Images of work ethic. Images of optimism and growth. Images of faith and determination to grow intellectually and spiritually. 

Images of a beautiful daughter that had grown into a woman of beauty. Both on the inside and out. Images of a woman that loved with all her heart. A woman of compassion. A woman grown up. A woman that endured, cheerfully, to the very end. Trials and tribulations did not get her down. 

Yes, and I am grateful that she knew what gift I would need! Tender words that reach into my heart and fill my soul with gratitude for the memories I have. 

I will make more memories with her. Our day will come! I will pass to the other side and she will be there to meet me. We will embrace as never before. We will hold each other as never before. We will laugh. We might even have some cries. But, we will hold hands into the eternities and continue on... yes, continue on making great memories as mother and daughter. 

Please leave a comment and share a memory of Shaniel. Would love to hear a specific memory. It would mean so much to us, her family, to have those memories live on. We love you all for your kindness and love. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

By Kelsey, Shaniel's sister. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. My sister Shaniel's life was taken by the hands of her husband 2/10/13, who then later took his own life. She was a loving mother, a very skilled nurse, and she always had a beautiful smile on her face. She was always positive despite her many trials. Let us remember those who have lost their lives to domestic violence and help educate others about it so that we may help prevent this horrible problem. 

Share these hash tags with your memories- for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

#memorialmonday #dvamaction #nomore

In memory of our beautiful Angel Shaniel

1980-2013